Part 2: Negative thoughts hijacking your day? 3 simple ways to rewire your brain for the long term.
“The most powerful moment of your day is the instant you choose what to do with a negative thought.”
Picture this: You’re finalizing a high-stakes project, prepping for a critical client pitch, or leading your team into uncertain territory.
And then, without warning, that critical, doubtful voice in your head pipes up, saying things like,
Will this hold up?
Have I done enough?
Has everyone around me done enough? Do they want it as bad as me?
These thoughts are like sparks, and they can go one of two ways.
Scenario 1) You quickly extinguish the thought, and carry on.
Scenario 2) The thought sparks more thoughts, which quickly become a four alarm fire in your brain. Before you know it, you’re spiraling into negativity, overthinking, and maybe even overreacting, trying to perfect it until you should have stopped long ago.
Recently, I shared tactics to handle negative thoughts in the moment—mental fire extinguishers that prevent sparks from becoming fires.
But what if you rarely needed that extinguisher at all?
What if you could build a mental framework so strong that negativity rarely gets the chance to ignite?
That’s where some long-term strategies come in.
I’ll share some specific practices in a second, but first, here’s an uncomfortable truth about playing the long game:
When you’re working on something challenging long-term, you have to rely on faith—complete trust or confidence in someone or something—long before you see tangible results.
This flies in the face of the popular wisdom that promotes short-term actions that yield short-term results. (Think: Tim Ferris who promotes life hacks, James Clear who exalts the value of small habits, and Andrew Huberman who emphasizes the power of dopamine.) These ideas can all have their place, but they aren’t everything.
Look, I know it’s challenging. We’re wired to want quick feedback, to feel better right now. But real, lasting change unfolds slowly.
From my experiences as an Olympian and founder/CEO, to collaborating with elite athletes, to learning from business leaders and mentors, to digging into organizational research… I can tell you with confidence that real change comes from subtle and cumulative efforts.
And that means there’s going to be times when you won’t see the results yet. You still won’t feel that rush of immediate payoff. You must believe anyway.
With that said, the following practices will help you build more mental resilience and protect your brain against chronic negativity and harmful overthinking.
If you make these practices a regular part of your life, you will hardwire your brain against negativity and, at the same time, naturally cultivate more faith in the outcome of your efforts. The result: fewer critical or doubtful thoughts to fend off, and more energy/focus on the big picture so you can keep going towards your goals.
And, by the way, these four foundational practices reflect a blend of personal experience, scientific research, and lessons learned from world-class performers.
Judge for yourself. Pick one of these practices, and try it for a month. If you want to be a real go-getter, open a Notes app in your phone and mark down every time you do it. Try to do it one more time every day. See how it works for you. (and I’d love to hear about it, too)
Three Simple Practices That Hardwire Positivity
1. Deliberately Tell Yourself More Positive Stories Than Negative
I used to believe acknowledging small wins might make me (or others) complacent. But the fact is, celebrating progress helps us make more progress.
Research by Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer—“The Progress Principle” (Harvard Business Review)—shows that recognizing small wins fuels engagement and creativity. Meanwhile, studies by John Gottman and Marcial Losada reveal that a positive-to-negative ratio of around 3:1 to 5:1 correlates with healthier, more productive relationships and teams.
As an athlete, I would have bet I was far more critical of myself than positive. But looking back, I now realize I did celebrate small wins, even if I didn’t do it deliberately. For example, I can recall feeling exuberant over hitting one quality 30-meter sprint out of fifteen attempts, without hammering myself for the others during training.
When I left sport, I missed those moments and didn’t realize it for a long time. The little acts of celebration, whether letting out a cheer or a whoop, or a high five with teammates, or even a silent word of congratulations to myself, contributed to a feeling of confidence and positivity, and I missed them.
So, these days, I actively look for and acknowledge all signs of progress. Writing one spot-on sentence in a proposal might not seal the deal, but it shows improvement, and I find myself admiring it. If I can get that one sentence right, it means I can get the others right. It gives me hope, and that helps me build faith. I even wrote about patting myself on the back for putting up my IKEA shelves a couple of years ago, helping my show myself I could do things I was putting off.
So, here’s a simple way to practice this from my own playbook:
When it comes to your self-talk, aim for a 10-1 ratio. Meaning, tell yourself 10 positives for every 1 negative.
This practice will challenge you to notice and call out signs of progress for yourself. That’s a good thing! Embrace the challenge and over time it will become more natural.
2. Give and Receive More Praise (If that rubs you the wrong way, read this!)
Just as you may be wary of acknowledging or celebrating progress, you may have also been taught that praise is an obstacle to success.
And if the first example above is about internalizing that positivity for the long haul, this is about externalizing it.
But first-- why might we be in the practice/mindset/habit of not doing this? Old research and coaching traditions taught us to be wary of too much praise, hinting it could undermine intrinsic motivation. I get it—after all, I once believed that fixating on flaws was the best path to excellence.
And yes, early interpretations of studies like Lepper, Greene, & Nisbett (1973) and Kluger & DeNisi (1996) suggested external rewards or certain feedback interventions could backfire, fueling fear that positive reinforcement might breed complacency.
But newer, more nuanced understanding shows it’s not positivity itself that’s dangerous—it’s insincere, vague, or purely outcome-focused praise that fails to guide improvement.
What’s all this mean? It means when you have something good to say about someone and something they did:
You should say it. Both for them and also for yourself.
You should be specific - it’s not “good job today” but rather “you really did a great job articulating why we needed to extend the deadline on the big project so that everyone felt included.”
Aim for no less than 5:1 ratios of positive to negative, but strive for 10:1. Both for them and for you.
Just like properly (see research above) recognizing a meaningful accomplishment doesn’t decrease motivation, recognizing a contribution doesn’t encourage slacking off. Instead, it encourages people, myself included, to dig deeper.
And when the praise flows towards you, as 2-time Olympic Gold Medalist Christian Taylor and I discussed, when someone tells you a good story about yourself sometimes it’s best to hear them, absorb the praise, and simply say thank you. Allowing yourself to accept it, though it may feel awkward, respects what the person giving it has to say. Which is good for you both.
I’m far from perfect at any of this. Sometimes I still hold back praise—at work, with my kids, even my spouse—fearing complacency towards whatever the goal is. My old athlete’s mindset, always spotting flaws, still pulls at me. But I’ve learned acknowledging small wins builds resilience, not softness. If it’s helping me, it might help you, too.
But I have faith that if I keep trying, and I notice myself when I do it, I’ll continue to feel better and get better.
3. Tie Daily Actions to Deeper Goals (i.e.: True Goals/Purpose)
Because long-term efforts won’t necessarily show immediate benefit (hence the need to have faith), it’s really important to remember why you’re doing something… and just how much it matters.
Harvard’s Amy Edmondson has shown that psychological safety and clarity of purpose bolster resilience and innovation. And I can tell you, I’ve seen this play out in my own life. When I link someone’s task—whether at home or work—to a larger mission, I notice less grumbling, fewer doubts, and more energy.
With my spouse and kids, I try (and sometimes fail, but I’m getting there!) to highlight how their small efforts contribute to something meaningful for our family.
At work, connecting routine tasks to a broader goal—like how writing helps me help more people and vet my own thought processes—I’m more inclined to stick with my commitments, even when other stuff could get in the way.
Tying our daily actions to deeper purpose comes down to this: Intentionality.
This is something you can do before doing or saying something, during, or after.
Why did you say a sincere thank you? Why did you give your employee that critical feedback? Why did you get your husband that gift certificate?
Leave the self-deprecating sarcasm behind you and recognize yourself for doing good things that align with your values.
Final thought: Your mental landscape isn’t fixed
By leaning into the above practices, you can build a mindset where negativity rarely finds traction. Over time, your faith in yourself and the outcomes of your effort becomes your default setting.
That’s not to say I’m perfect at this stuff, and I don’t expect to be. Nor should you. I still catch myself hesitating to acknowledge wins, or holding back from giving or receiving positive feedback. But it’s clear to me what works. And that’s what I keep coming back to.
At the end of the day, I know, I have faith, that this approach helps everyone—leaders, teams, families—achieve more, not by dodging negativity, but by growing stronger in a landscape where positivity and purpose guide the way.
Stay driven,
Steve
